This post, along with dozens more to come, are written for my mom, by my mom but also by me. This is a story of hers, and the majority is a transcription from an audio recording.
For those of you who may not know me on a personal level, my mom passed away in April 2016 from Mesothelioma (asbestos related cancer). Her passing was only four months after she received her diagnosis. I spent the majority of my time with her, as I was a stay at home mom, getting the chance to be with, and care for my mom just as she had for all of us. This time in my life was difficult but also treasured. I was already close with my mom before she got sick, but our relationship grew so deeply. I was able to hear her stories, thoughts she was having, things she wanted to be remembered for. She asked me to write it all down, and promise that I would write this book. A book about the things we see, hear, feel… the experiences we had. To share her story.
“We all have eyes to see and ears to hear. My belief is there are some that ignore what their eyes and ears are trying to tell them, and those that live by it. You know what I mean… that feeling you should do something or not to… I have noticed for myself, the more I live in the moment, seeing and hearing, the stronger the messages become. The key is trusting what your inner voice is telling you. The good voice.”
It was usually late at night. She would send me a Facebook message. “Whachya doin?” with that cute rolly cat sticker with the hearts, “Come tuck me in” this was code for, “dad is passed out on the couch and I am bored come to hang out with me”. So up I went. Her room was dimly lit yet I could still see her open one eye slyly as if she was fake sleeping and checking to see who was coming in. Just like that, she sat up and ushered me from her bed “close the door! Come snuggle with me. What’s the 411, whats the hot gossip?” Mind you it had been maybe three hours since I saw her last and my response was usually something about getting the kids to bed or, if I was lucky I actually had some juicy stories to dish out. She always loved talking about our experiences.
I loved talking to my mom about my experiences. It’s called an intuitive empath. She was my guru as I didn’t know what to do with half of the information I was receiving. She was always very reassuring and helped me realize “if you are not still enough, you will miss the moment entirely. Just write it down with the date. Have a special notebook. One day you might make a connection and know who was supposed to get the message. You also might have someone you know you are supposed to give a message to. The important thing to do is follow through. Be still and you will know.”
There is so much importance in living by listening, and how powerful this simple act can be. My mom reminded me of one of her experiences- a time we had been leaving an unremarkable dentist appointment at Southdale Medical Center. While we were riding the elevator down, she had a vision. In her vision, we were leaving the building, and she was to see a woman she knew, who was going to be getting some news. My mom was supposed to put her hand on her shoulder and tell her “Everything is going to be okay” . No less, no more. Just as soon as it began, the vision ended as the elevator doors opened.
No words were spoken as we walked down the hall to leave the building. As we approached the first set of doors to leave, an acquaintance of hers was walking in. At the time, my mom hardly knew this person, I’m talking about someone you know nothing about, whom you have never had a conversation with, but you know them. Though they exchanged smiles and pleasantries, my mom was anxious with what she was to do. In the end, only a few words were exchanged, “Nice to see you!” was essentially it. I just couldn’t! I hardly knew her at the time and I started to over think the entire thing that I panicked! The message was lost in translation. Unbeknownst to my mom, this acquaintance was on her way to an Oncology appointment and was about to receive a diagnosis of breast cancer. When I found out from [mutual connection] I was mortified. I felt so sick.
As my mom is telling me all of this she asked me several questions. Can you imagine the kind of impact that would have had? Imagine yourself, going to an appointment where you might get some news like this. What would you do, if someone you hardly knew, and maybe only saw a handful of times, stopped you on the way in? What if they knew nothing about you, they didn’t know why you were in the same building, or what not…. Yet they knew to tell you “Everything is going to be okay.”
My mom regretted not sharing this message and had so much pain and guilt because of it. Years later, when the time was right she knew she was to share this with her now friend. Her friend was so excited to hear this story and it was healing in itself. Her friend reflected on when she was going into the appointment, she prayed for God to give her an answer, she was just so anxious about the test results, when she saw my mom that day it was surprising for her, but also reassuring in itself. This was a very healing moment for both involved. My mom, in turn, made a point to deliver her messages as often as she received them. You will learn to rely on yourself for the answers. They are there, just waiting for you to listen.